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Owens brochure

Oh how they laughed, cackled and joked. The 32 page promotional brochure put together by Michael Owens advisers was ridiculed by those in the know with comments ranging from comic to desperate. And where is Owen now? On the books at Old Trafford thats where. So it wasnt quite the joke everyone perceived it to be was it?

Oh, and though I hate people who say I told you so, I told you so. This appeared in Oh Kay 3 weeks ago: Given the number of big-money failures that have blown through the Premier League over the past few years, surely Owen must be worth a punt to someone? Anyone got the number of Owens agent.I might just ask for 10%!

Racism and Uefa

This column has long argued that Uefa hasnt done enough to stamp out racist behaviour on the terraces. Some of the punishments theyve handed out to try and combat this appalling trait have been nothing short of laughable. So one has to applaud Europes governing body for their latest strategy which will empower referees to suspend or even abandon matches if there is racist chanting by fans.

Under the new rules, the first step will be to halt the match and issue a demand over the public address system for the racist behaviour to stop. If this measure proves ineffective the second step will be applied and the teams will be taken off the pitch for five to ten minutes. If racist chanting continues after the second step has been applied, then the Uefa delegate and referee will have the authority to abandon the match. Now heres a sentence you dont see too often..well done Mr Platini.

Overblown Madrid

You have just got to love the attitude of the employees at Real Madrid. After Cristiano Ronaldo had touched down in the Spanish capital ahead of his medical and public unveiling, the Madrid web site wrote this classic sentence: Ronaldo prepares for the most exciting day of his life. Really? Notwithstanding hes played in World Cups, European Championships, won the Champions League, Premier League, Carling Cup, FA Cup etc, being paraded in front of his new fans for a club thats won pretty much b****r all recently rates higher than that lot does it? OK, 80,000 people turned up but you get the feeling that 10,000 Madrid fans would turn out to the opening of an envelope.

Lets not forget that the current big-spending Madrid president oversaw one of the most barren spells in the clubs history when he last went about signing up every big name player he could think of.

Ronaldo will be lucky to win half as much as he has with United in about twice as long. Exciting? Perhaps for his bank manager!

Is it really Real?

Still with Madrid, theres an old girl down at my local amateur club who makes the tea, cuts up the half time oranges and cleans up the dressing rooms after the players have done for the day. The general consensus is that shes not particularly good at any of these three tasks.

But astonishingly, even though shes in her 63rd year, shes been approached by Real Madrid to take on a similar role at the Bernabeu. Well, actually, thats not really true. I made it up. But given the way that Madrid is buying up virtually everyone involved in the game, its surely only a matter of time. Good on you Mrs Doggett.

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